Last year at this day!

Last night I had nightmares till morning about people whom I haven’t seen or thought about for a long time, people and problem that do not exist in my world any more.Last year at this day, I defended my thesis in landscape architecture. Before that day, I was really frustrated that the judgment committee will find a lot of problems on my thesis. At my defense day, I was feeling that my heart was falling out of my heart, I couldn't talk to anyone and my tongue was so dry! There were 5 professors presented at my committee. When I finished my presentation in one hour, as first professor was opening her mouth to talk, for a second I felt that my heart were about to stop working.When she said that the committee has decided to have my thesis as an educational reference for other students I was really surprised (I wanted to ask her: Are you sure??), the judgment committee gave me very good compliments on my thesis, they told me that they were very proud of me and they all asked me to return from Canada when I get graduated and teach in National University of Iran. Then they gave me the best grade that one has ever taken in landscape architecture program in our faculty till that time, and asked me to keep doing good job! Even after that day the nightmares were not releasing me for around 7-8 months!I had read around 170 books and articles on the subject of my thesis, and I had swallowed any book related to landscape architecture in the library of University of Calgary and my previous school, and I still couldn't feel self-confidence.Even after one year, I feel that I have to start everything from the beginning.